Where are the fathers?

For the past several years, I have been sensing a deep cry arising from the heart of people. It started rather innocuously but steadily increased in intensity and crescendo. One day while driving, I literally felt a groaning in my own spirit, a groaning that found its way to my lips. I have no way to describe it except that my spirit responded to both the heart of my Father and to the cry from deep within people, especially from young twenty-something adults.

It all started with the realization that while the Holy Spirit had done a “fathering” work in us a number of years ago, we have replaced fathering with other less intensive activities. Almost simultaneously with that realization, young adults began communicating with Bev (my wife) and me about their deep desire for fathers. (I use the term father not in a gender specific sense, but in a way that includes mothering as well). Invariably the conversation led to the burning question – who will teach us how to live? How do we do life as a follower of Christ? Who will answer our questions about marriage, about unfulfilled sexual expectations with our spouse? To whom can we turn to discover if we are parenting our toddlers in a way that releases life? Who has gone before us that can help us discover God in our own journey? How does the kingdom of God “on earth as it is in heaven” look in the twenty-first century?

While their questions would indicate that they are asking for answers, it’s not answers they seek as much as the guidance to help them make their own discovery of God, who He is, and how He relates to everyday life. What does it look like to walk with God in a practical manner? They have no hunger for another class or another program. They don’t want to attend another meeting. They want to be invited into someone’s life so they can learn.

Quite frankly, we have done a great job of giving people information but that is the extent of our involvement with them. We teach them the value of prophecy without teaching them how to raise their kids. We teach them to pray without teaching them how to deal with the difficulty and ugliness of this life. We stress the importance of meetings (Sunday morning services and Sunday school, Wednesday classes etc) without ever preparing them to face the reality of doing life with God. We teach them the importance of the supernatural but never teach them how to live in a supernatural way.

Paul addresses this very problem with the church at Corinth

15For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. For I became your father in Christ Jesus when I preached the Good News to you. 16So I ask you to follow my example and do as I do. (1 Corinthians 4:15-16)

I fear that we have been more interested in being instructors and teachers than we have in being fathers. Teachers give you information and then go home. Fathers invite you to come into their home. Teachers speak about theory; fathers speak from experience. I watched a leader continually emphasize evangelism yet he never invited anyone to “follow my example”. Why? Because there was no example to follow! Therefore this leader had no authority to bring transformational change to those to whom he spoke.

Granted, teaching is a more attractive option. There is less risk and more glamour. We can teach to thousands but we can only father only a few. We can host conferences with wonderful teachers but fathering can’t be imparted in a conference. Fathering often feels insignificant.

I hear a lot of discussion about ministry, about vision, about building the church. In the midst of these words, one thing that is sadly missing is the discussion about building the lives of people in a transformational manner. We have replaced fathering with efforts to build a great ministry. We have replaced the invitation “follow my example, do as I do” with teaching that tells people what to do. We focus on striving to be being the best or the biggest

Our teaching has become like that of the Pharisees. We teach about things we have never experienced. We read a book and decide that it would make a good teaching so we write a class, teaching about things of which we know nothing. We may mentally assent with the material but we never “own” it in our heart because we have never experienced the material we present.

Look at these words taken from Matthew 7 in the message.

These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

“But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.”

When Jesus concluded his address, the crowd burst into applause. They had never heard teaching like this. It was apparent that he was living everything he was saying—quite a contrast to their religion teachers! This was the best teaching they had ever heard.

What was Jesus’ source of authority? He lived what He taught. His teaching flowed from His walk with the Father. Today, the word (the logos) still needs to come in flesh. True fathering authority comes when I bring the logos to life in my own life and then like Paul, invite people to follow and imitate me.

My own struggle with God will teach them how to wrestle with God. My sin and subsequent repentance will teach them how to overcome when they fall into sin. My need for grace will free them to experience God in deeper ways. God’s supernatural intervention in my situation will cause faith to grow for their life. My experience with God becomes a compass heading that helps them navigate the treachery of life.

Fathering is painfully difficult. Recently I asked Bev why I care so much when the caring causes me so much pain. It would be easier to detach myself from the struggle of life than it is to become intimately involved with the life of others. When my biological children face the pain of life, I hurt. When our daughter Heidi’s friend Chris was killed several years ago, my emotions were a wreck. Her pain became my pain, her sorrow became my sorrow, her anger became my anger, her questions became my questions.

And yet Fathering is not all about pain. The joys are deeper than one could ever imagine. Seeing the “kids” lay hold of all that God has for them causes an explosion of elation to erupt from deep within my spirit.

The million dollar question is this – what will we do with the cry of people who desire to be fathered? Will we invite them to church, to a class, to a meeting or will we simply invite them into our own walk with God (regardless of how frail that walk seems). Will we heed the yearning of their heart or will we turn aside to more important things (in our eyes) like building our ministry or church. I fear that we are often seduced by the seeming more grandiose endeavors in the kingdom of God instead of choosing the way of insignificance, the way of intentionally inviting a small group of people into our own journey with God.

For me personally, I am choosing to give my life to people. Part of the deep groaning in my spirit was a result of the realization “that the harvest is ripe and the laborers are few”. I cry out to the Father, asking Him for more fathers, for people who care little about prestige and public ministry, for people who will freely offer their life as an example of the word in flesh. I invite you to join me in fathering. Father those to whom God joins your heart. Turn aside from being teachers and instructors; embrace the noble call of fatherhood.

The joy of celebrating the season

This past week, I watched an argument develop on an Internet forum. A bunch of "Christians" were debating whether we should celebrate Christmas. A rather outspoken group of people insisted that the celebration of Christmas was not appropriate since the origins of the holiday are pagan. Furthermore, they argued, that Jesus was probably not born in December.

While it is true that the celebration of Christmas is the result of the "Christianization" of a pagan holiday and while it is true that Jesus probably was not born in December, that does not negate the value of celebrating. Jesus came to earth to transform the secular into sacred. He came to redeem the culture, not to abolish it. The fact that a pagan holiday became the celebration of the greatest work of God ever is a picture of the very work of God.

Furthermore, the fact that God was willing to come to earth, that He was willing to give His all for the possibility of humanity being restored to Him, is worthy of great celebration. If we really understood the the awesomeness of God coming to be one of us, if we really grasped the significance of His actions, we would celebrate even more heartily.

So go ahead...enjoy yourself this Christmas season. God coming to us, reaching out to us, demands celebration. Enjoy the food; enjoy the drinks; enjoy the relationships. Jesus came so that we might have abundant life, extravagant life. We would have no hope if God had not reached out to us. But He did! It is appropriate that we celebrate.