the goads, misery, and a false cross

I had a conversation with an acquaintance who stopped by the farm one day. I hadn't spoken with him for months, maybe even a year or more. I asked him a bit about his job. His remarks, while sounding correct, were clothed in heaviness...the job is God's provision...I need to be thankful...

When we are living in a way that "kicks against the goads", in disharmony with God's design, we can easily fall into an insidious trap. We decide that the discomfort we feel in our disconnect with God, with abundant life, is the cross we must bear. So life becomes heavy, gray. We throw ourselves more fully into the duties of church and christianity. We say the right words...the appropriate phrases needed to gain the approval of others in the same state. Our heaviness and lifelessness trademarks our life. Our "cross" weighs on us in an unending manner. And truly it is our self-created cross. It is not the cross of Christ, the cross that invariably encounters us in our transformation process.  

Our self-defined cross and the cross of Christ have nothing in common. The cross of Christ remains for a season and is always followed by abundant life. The light on the other side of the darkeness shines more glorious than can be imagined. On the other hand the self-defined cross leads nowhere. There is a permanency to its dull grayness.

The self created cross is always accompanied by a deep sadness, a heaviness that permeates the fibers of our being. We become devoid of emotion. A certain heaviness shrouds our every action and word. There may even be a bit of pride accompanying the sadness - "look at how severely my cross affects me".

How different from the cross of Christ. Note the example of Jesus - MY GOD MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME! The raw emotional pain of those words almost startle one's sensibilities. I have noticed that people who pick up the cross of Christ, the one that invariably confronts us as we follow Him, are far from emotionless. In fact their emotion frequently boils up in a violent eruption. Fortunately, regardless of the severity of the cross and depth of pain accompanying it, it only lasts for a season. Jesus for the joy set before Him endured the cross... How different from the misery resulting from kicking against the goads!