true discipleship

Several years ago, Bev and I felt like God was inviting us to consider a new way of discipling people. I had reviewed the prior ten years of ministry and found some things to be lacking. While it certainly looked like we had been very successful, (starting a number of new churches and ministries) when I looked past the initial seeming success, I felt like we had missed the point on some key issues. Those issues had to do with relationships and discipleship. We had made discipleship a program, a track one follows. In many ways, discipleship had become a formula for us.

When I placed our efforts at discipleship against the template of Jesus' life, I quickly became aware of the deficiencies of our way. As a result, Bev and I decided to more fully embrace the "Jesus model" whereby we would invite a few people to join us on this pursuit of Jesus. The past several years have been the most fulfilling of my spiritual life as I share deeply with others.

On the other hand, I have discovered that when you stir people to radically follow Jesus and then help them "get there", a painful reality emerges. Two couples that we invited along on our journey have embarked on a journey of their own, pursuing Jesus to "the uttermost parts of the world". As such, great geographic distance now separates us (Thank God for telephone and email!)

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, the pain of geographic separation is overshadowed by deep joy. Joy in seeing people literally bring the kingdom of God to earth. Joy at seeing people fulfill their destiny of greatness. Joy at seeing people risk all, losing their life to find it again. Joy at seeing Bev and my hearts being reproduced in other places with other people.

Now that's true discipleship!

a whole lot of air

For the Kingdom of God is not just fancy talk; it is living by God’s power. (1 Corinthians 4:20). This spring I have had the opportunity to participate in several gatherings of church leaders where the discussion centered on new things God was doing in the church today. I found it to be rather fascinating to hear leaders discuss various aspects of God's "new thing". Invariably as the conversation progressed, it became evident that the "experts" had much to talk about but little to share from experiential expertise.

I must say that the conversations always started well but when it turned to the practical application of the theory, any substance disintegrated quickly into emptiness. We are experts in theory but we have no life experiences from which to base our theory. In other words, our theory has not been tested. (Read Paul's words to the church at Corinth again).

If we are going to transform our world, we as leaders must quit talking about things which we have not experienced. The rule of God (the kingdom of God) is not about being able to say the correct words, the kingdom of God is about practically ordering our lives according to work of God in the world today.

One of the repeated requests Bev and I get from people (and especially young people) is - "show us how to live". They never ask us to TELL them how to live. We have incredible authority to bring transformation to people as "the word becomes flesh" in us. On the other hand, empty experience-less conversation leaves an emptiness in the spirit of those who hear.

I am convinced that what I experienced at the various leaders meetings had little to do with the kingdom of God, it had more to do with empty air.

more confessions of a converted pastor

Recently several of us who walk in close fellowship in this pursuit of Jesus sat around have a conversation. It was one of those "what if" kinds of conversations where we discussed possibilities for the future among other things. In the conversation, I was asked whether I would ever consider once again leading a "traditional" church if the opportunity arose. As we discussed the hypothetical possibilities, I realized something deep within me. While I would be willing to lead a traditional church at the invitation of God, I can in no way give up the deep heart to heart relationships that have developed with some fellow travellers in the journey.

I have a confession to make. In 1996 we first started Grace Covenant Church simultaneously with building a new house. As we looked for property, the one needed qualification was that the location needed to be somewhere where I could get away from people. In retrospect, that desire ran contrary to the nature of God. (Don't hear me wrongly, I do believe that we need to get away to mountain or the wilderness at times to connect with the Father as Jesus did. However to live "away" from people is not God's pattern.) Everything about the pattern of the Father as seen in Jesus has to do with engaging with people, living with them, entering their world.

Unfortunately the current church system has a way of cutting leaders off from the very people they lead. At a recent gathering of leaders, a very "successful" pastor shared a new venture in which he was spending some intensive time with a small group of men and their families. He stated that this interaction was perhaps the most fulfilling "ministry" in his life at this time. I wanted to say "duh...that is Jesus style of ministry". (I kept my mouth shut though!) Why wouldn't it fulfill a God-inspired longing in our heart when we do things God's way?

I know the seductiveness of ministry success and the drivenness the desire for success brings. I always wanted to be on the cutting edge, an innovator. While that desire is not necessarily wrong, when I view people as my key for achieving my success it descends qiockly into a pattern far from the way of Jesus. When the need to create a significant organization creates a motivation that isolates me from deep heart connection with a few believers, than I have departed from the way of Jesus. Unfortunately in the current church world, success is measured by numbers not by depth.

Jesus most significant world changing efforts were not with the masses but with a few. How contrary to the prevalent attitude in the church today. Most church leaders I know have no one with whom the share their journey. The church system quickly consumes all their time and energy. Believe me, I was there, I speak from experience.

To place the survival of the church system above connecting deeply with people is to miss the point completely. In the past several years, Bev and I have engaged people deeply by inviting them into our home, eating together, sharing joys and fears together, doing life together. While I would be willing to return to a place of leadership in a traditional church if God so led, that position could in no way force me to compromise my relationships in the circle of the fellowship of believes with whom I do life.

confessions of a converted pastor

I enjoy perusing church websites and literature as time permits, especially as it has to do with new churches. Church planting has always been in my spiritual DNA. It has been twenty two years since a Mennonite Pastor encouraged Bev and me to explore the possibilities of starting a new church. The passion that he stirred in us exists to this day.

I must say, however, that many of the tactics we utilized ten or fifteen years ago (and many still use) bother me today. I recently had some time to surf the web at my job and was looking at the websites of some new churches. It became almost comical as I begin to notice key phrases that repeatedly appeared in most of the sites.

- a different kind of church
- exciting kids ministry
- relevant preaching
- upbeat worship
- relaxed dress
- casual atmosphere

Now lest you think I am being too critical, these were precisely the kinds of words and phrases that I used to promote Grace Covenant Church ten years ago. Time spent in the school of God has a way of helping one see more clearly.

As part of my journey, I have spent much of my Bible-reading time reading about the life of Jesus. (It seems to me that if one wants to follow Jesus, one should be familiar with Him!) When I put the above mentioned phrases against the template of Jesus life, I discover a great deal of difference between the Jesus pattern and the accepted church planting pattern.

A wealthy young man comes to Jesus. Jesus invites him to come to His next meeting where the young man can be uplifted by the worship band, his kids will experience an exciting time with qualified kids church workers. The young man will be comfortable in his well worn sandals will he sips his cappuccino. He will hear teaching on how to live his life….

Okay…it really didn’t happen that way. Jesus’ hook used to catch the man was this – sell everything you have, give the proceeds to the poor and follow Me! (And as you may know, the young man was not uplifted after hearing Jesus proposition.)

Jesus meets Matthew at his place of business (Matthew was a tax collector). Jesus invites him to the First Church of the Disciples to experience God’s love as the Jesus Christ Ministries Worship Band played contemporary music. He would have the opportunity to hear relevant teaching while enjoying his coffee.

Wrong again…Jesus simply issue an invitational challenge to Matthew – follow me. Jesus gave no guarantees that Matthew would enjoy himself, or be uplifted in any way. Jesus didn’t offer family ministry, or life changing teaching, or contemporary music. The invitation was vague, the guarantees non-existent.

Again, please do not hear me as being critical. I too thought I should lure people to my church, offering certain desirable guarantees. I never took the time to stop and compare my methods with the way of Jesus. It seems as if we have somehow commercialized the message and life of Jesus. We treat Jesus as a product we are offering for sale. We hope to make Christianity attractive.

The way of Jesus is not easy. I will no longer minimize the difficulty of following Jesus. Following Jesus will require me to relate to people on an intimate heart level, engaging with them in their struggle and pain. I will invite people to follow Jesus with me but I will make no effort to make their journey easy. Jesus didn’t. And if Jesus didn’t, then why would I do so?

the way it was meant to be

I have spent a good deal of time reflecting on this past weekend. The celebration of the resurrection of Jesus comes naturally from a heart experiencing abundant life. For me, this past weekend was special, special in the kind of "and God said it was good" way. In my walk with Jesus, there have been several times recently when I knew the affirmation of God deep in my spirit; this weekend was one of those times.

I spent much of the weekend with people who share life with me in our pursuit of Jesus. We ate together, we shared joys together, we talked about our struggles together. For me, there were some difficult moments as well when our discussion exposed the residual effects of the spirit of an orphan within me. On the other hand, it was safe being exposed. Nobody tried to counsel me or fix me. I was in the company of people who loved me.

I realize the privilege of being part of a band of believers, followers of Christ, who are becoming deeply connected in the heart. We are bound together by our love for Jesus and our love for each other. Far too frequently Christians have settled for a cheap imitation of the deep love and vulnerable intimacy that Jesus spoke about to His disciples. We choose to engage in meetings and activities with people but we never truly engage with either God or people. (It feels safer to engage with meetings and activities than it does to engage with God and people).

I am realizing that I spent the weekend, not participating in a sterile, intellectual acknowledgement of the resurrection but with a vibrant yet flawed, organic yet centuries old, expression of the body of Christ. I spent the weekend with people who purpose to pursue Jesus, not with people whose priority is a meeting or an activity. As I reflect I sense the whisper of the Father - it is good. This is the way it was meant to be.

Leaders, jealousy, and authority

I do some part time work at the Pennsylvania Famshow Complex as a security guard. (No, I don't carry a gun!) As part of the responsibilities, sometimes I interact with three specific groups of law enforcement personnel each with different levels of authority - the Pennsylvania State Police, the Harrisburg City Police, and the Capitol Police. The State Police jurisdiction is the state of Pennsylvania, the Harrisburg Police patrol the city of Harrisburg, and the Capitol Police take care of the Capital Complex as well as a few other facilities.

In my interaction with these three groups, I have made an interesting discovery. The less an officer's sphere of authority, the more jealously he/she tends to protect that sphere. (I am speaking generally here). As a whole, I have discovered the Capitol Police more likely to flaunt their authority than do the Harrisburg Police force and the Harrisburg Police more likely to flaunt their authority than do the State Police.

As I pondered this, it occurred to me that the same thing often happens in the church world. It seems to me that far too many leaders jealously protect their small sphere of influence. I have been to Ministerium meetings and Pastor's gatherings and I have seen the posturing that takes place. If it wasn't so tragic, it would be amusing.

In the church, the guarded territory is not a geographic location but rather it is people. Leaders will release people to follow their God-given dreams AS LONG AS they do it according to the standards of acceptability set by the leaders. If people do not fit into the accepted mold, they are immediately labeled as rebellious.

I recently spoke with a husband and wife whose church leaders encouraged them to launch out and minister to to people in their home. As this couple began to do so, the leadership of the church began to tell them how to minister, when to minister, and to whom they could minister. Put quite simply, the church leaders were flaunting their authority. (Which incidentally, tells me that their real authority is quite limited indeed)

It seems to me that people with real authority have a confidence that does not require them to flaunt what authority they have. Far too many leaders in the church today are living small, jealously guarding their turf. Their actions tell me a great deal about their sphere of authority.

Into the shadows

Now they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed. And as they followed they were afraid. Then He took the twelve aside again and began to tell them the things that would happen to Him: “Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and to the scribes; and they will condemn Him to death and deliver Him to the Gentiles; and they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and spit on Him, and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.” (Mark 10:32-34)

From my leadership experience, I have discerned a startling truth – People will willingly follow a good leader almost anywhere except into the valley of the shadow of death. God’s pattern of leadership as revealed in Jesus requires leaders to embrace what feels like a downward spiral into the shadows, into a place where the glory of leadership dissipates completely.

Jesus’ disciples were astounded that He would choose to travel to Jerusalem in the face of imminent danger. His steady movement toward a place of apparent death struck fear to their hearts. Their consternation with Jesus’ travel plans blinded them to see through the valley of the shadow of death to the glorious reality of the resurrection.

Jesus’ disciples had dreams of Jesus being a king like David. In their minds, not only was Jesus destined to be a king, but they were poised to have leading roles in this emerging glorious kingdom. Therefore, Jesus’ journey into the shadow lands of death caused a great deal of consternation in them. They needed Him to establish a kingdom, to be the monarch of the new Jewish superpower.

In the context of Jesus’ journey into impending death, in the context of their fear, James and John came to Jesus asking for positions of power in the empire that they were certain that Jesus would establish. (Read Mark 10:35-37). It was as if they were reminding Jesus that He had a responsibility to establish the new Jewish superpower.

Jesus’ experience with His disciples mirrors much of my own experience. People will follow a leader as long as the leader is building something magnificent. They deeply desire to be a part of something grandiose.

For leaders seeking validation from the people they lead, it becomes easy to never make the journey into the valley of the shadow of death due to the expectations of those being led. To not complete the leadership journey, however, will negate the leader from engaging with God’s pattern for leadership. Consequently the Kingdom of God is never established through that leader.

It is important to note that Jesus’ own journey into the shadow lands was the prelude to resurrection power. God was establishing His kingdom through Jesus. Even so today – leaders must journey to the shadow lands of death to discover a new and fresh authority and life.

From my own experience I can tell you that any leader who makes the journey into death and the cross will probably not be popular. Throughout the years of leading and being a catalyst in the emergence of God’s Kingdom on earth, I have experienced the resistance that comes from the demonic hordes seeking to destroy the new things God was bringing forth. However, the greatest resistance I have received on my walk with God occurred when I intentionally followed God into the valley of the shadow of death.

Many of the people I have led consistently applied pressure on me to abandon the journey into “nothingness” regardless how much I tried communicate with them the power (and the Jesus pattern) of the journey into “nothingness”. Beyond the pressure from people, my own desire for significance was compounded by the voices of the enemy encouraging me to choose a less threatening path to resurrection life. (Which, incidentally, does not exist).

For the past number of years, the gentle whisper of heaven, the voice of the Father, has invited me to choose the way of the valley of the shadow of death. I have chosen to resolutely heed the invitation, knowing that in all likelihood, I would find myself not on some grandiose stage, but in the shadows of the world and the church.

However, I have found some diamonds in the place of darkness. In the shadow lands I have found that the barrier between heaven and earth are minimal. This past year, I experienced the kiss of the Father for an extended period. That kiss has sustained me in my resolution to press ahead. For the first time in my life, I feel like God is my friend. I am acutely aware of the invitation to participate with Him in the redemption of creation.

Leaders – press on to Jerusalem; it is the way of God. Purpose to enter the valley of the shadow of death as God invites you to do so. To grasp at our dreams of greatness will cause us to miss the point, to miss resurrection life.