During the past several years, God stripped away many of the things with which I identified myself (and my relationship with Him). For example, I have not purchased a "worship album" in six months. It's not that I don't like music, it's not that I don't deeply enjoy worshipping. Yet God has limited the musical worship in my life at this time. I still worship and pray, but it often is in silence (external silence). The grace to lead larger conferences has disappeared, the invitations to teach have almost dissipated. My identity as a "pastor" no longer exists.
Perhaps at a deeper level, my ability to provide income for my family seems to have diminished. My inclination to work harder, to try more gets me nowhere. An then on top of all this, my efforts to control my emotions and sinful nature fall woefully short.
So who am I today?
In spite of the discomfort of my situation that last several years, there are some things I know. I know that I am a son of the I AM. I know that He is good and loves me deeply. But most of all I KNOW HIM!
I have discovered the reality of God apart from all the "props" that we assume we need. I have discovered what really is real - His love, His desire to be with me, His approval of me. He doesn't love me for what I do but for who I am.
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