more confessions of a converted pastor

Recently several of us who walk in close fellowship in this pursuit of Jesus sat around have a conversation. It was one of those "what if" kinds of conversations where we discussed possibilities for the future among other things. In the conversation, I was asked whether I would ever consider once again leading a "traditional" church if the opportunity arose. As we discussed the hypothetical possibilities, I realized something deep within me. While I would be willing to lead a traditional church at the invitation of God, I can in no way give up the deep heart to heart relationships that have developed with some fellow travellers in the journey.

I have a confession to make. In 1996 we first started Grace Covenant Church simultaneously with building a new house. As we looked for property, the one needed qualification was that the location needed to be somewhere where I could get away from people. In retrospect, that desire ran contrary to the nature of God. (Don't hear me wrongly, I do believe that we need to get away to mountain or the wilderness at times to connect with the Father as Jesus did. However to live "away" from people is not God's pattern.) Everything about the pattern of the Father as seen in Jesus has to do with engaging with people, living with them, entering their world.

Unfortunately the current church system has a way of cutting leaders off from the very people they lead. At a recent gathering of leaders, a very "successful" pastor shared a new venture in which he was spending some intensive time with a small group of men and their families. He stated that this interaction was perhaps the most fulfilling "ministry" in his life at this time. I wanted to say "duh...that is Jesus style of ministry". (I kept my mouth shut though!) Why wouldn't it fulfill a God-inspired longing in our heart when we do things God's way?

I know the seductiveness of ministry success and the drivenness the desire for success brings. I always wanted to be on the cutting edge, an innovator. While that desire is not necessarily wrong, when I view people as my key for achieving my success it descends qiockly into a pattern far from the way of Jesus. When the need to create a significant organization creates a motivation that isolates me from deep heart connection with a few believers, than I have departed from the way of Jesus. Unfortunately in the current church world, success is measured by numbers not by depth.

Jesus most significant world changing efforts were not with the masses but with a few. How contrary to the prevalent attitude in the church today. Most church leaders I know have no one with whom the share their journey. The church system quickly consumes all their time and energy. Believe me, I was there, I speak from experience.

To place the survival of the church system above connecting deeply with people is to miss the point completely. In the past several years, Bev and I have engaged people deeply by inviting them into our home, eating together, sharing joys and fears together, doing life together. While I would be willing to return to a place of leadership in a traditional church if God so led, that position could in no way force me to compromise my relationships in the circle of the fellowship of believes with whom I do life.

confessions of a converted pastor

I enjoy perusing church websites and literature as time permits, especially as it has to do with new churches. Church planting has always been in my spiritual DNA. It has been twenty two years since a Mennonite Pastor encouraged Bev and me to explore the possibilities of starting a new church. The passion that he stirred in us exists to this day.

I must say, however, that many of the tactics we utilized ten or fifteen years ago (and many still use) bother me today. I recently had some time to surf the web at my job and was looking at the websites of some new churches. It became almost comical as I begin to notice key phrases that repeatedly appeared in most of the sites.

- a different kind of church
- exciting kids ministry
- relevant preaching
- upbeat worship
- relaxed dress
- casual atmosphere

Now lest you think I am being too critical, these were precisely the kinds of words and phrases that I used to promote Grace Covenant Church ten years ago. Time spent in the school of God has a way of helping one see more clearly.

As part of my journey, I have spent much of my Bible-reading time reading about the life of Jesus. (It seems to me that if one wants to follow Jesus, one should be familiar with Him!) When I put the above mentioned phrases against the template of Jesus life, I discover a great deal of difference between the Jesus pattern and the accepted church planting pattern.

A wealthy young man comes to Jesus. Jesus invites him to come to His next meeting where the young man can be uplifted by the worship band, his kids will experience an exciting time with qualified kids church workers. The young man will be comfortable in his well worn sandals will he sips his cappuccino. He will hear teaching on how to live his life….

Okay…it really didn’t happen that way. Jesus’ hook used to catch the man was this – sell everything you have, give the proceeds to the poor and follow Me! (And as you may know, the young man was not uplifted after hearing Jesus proposition.)

Jesus meets Matthew at his place of business (Matthew was a tax collector). Jesus invites him to the First Church of the Disciples to experience God’s love as the Jesus Christ Ministries Worship Band played contemporary music. He would have the opportunity to hear relevant teaching while enjoying his coffee.

Wrong again…Jesus simply issue an invitational challenge to Matthew – follow me. Jesus gave no guarantees that Matthew would enjoy himself, or be uplifted in any way. Jesus didn’t offer family ministry, or life changing teaching, or contemporary music. The invitation was vague, the guarantees non-existent.

Again, please do not hear me as being critical. I too thought I should lure people to my church, offering certain desirable guarantees. I never took the time to stop and compare my methods with the way of Jesus. It seems as if we have somehow commercialized the message and life of Jesus. We treat Jesus as a product we are offering for sale. We hope to make Christianity attractive.

The way of Jesus is not easy. I will no longer minimize the difficulty of following Jesus. Following Jesus will require me to relate to people on an intimate heart level, engaging with them in their struggle and pain. I will invite people to follow Jesus with me but I will make no effort to make their journey easy. Jesus didn’t. And if Jesus didn’t, then why would I do so?

the way it was meant to be

I have spent a good deal of time reflecting on this past weekend. The celebration of the resurrection of Jesus comes naturally from a heart experiencing abundant life. For me, this past weekend was special, special in the kind of "and God said it was good" way. In my walk with Jesus, there have been several times recently when I knew the affirmation of God deep in my spirit; this weekend was one of those times.

I spent much of the weekend with people who share life with me in our pursuit of Jesus. We ate together, we shared joys together, we talked about our struggles together. For me, there were some difficult moments as well when our discussion exposed the residual effects of the spirit of an orphan within me. On the other hand, it was safe being exposed. Nobody tried to counsel me or fix me. I was in the company of people who loved me.

I realize the privilege of being part of a band of believers, followers of Christ, who are becoming deeply connected in the heart. We are bound together by our love for Jesus and our love for each other. Far too frequently Christians have settled for a cheap imitation of the deep love and vulnerable intimacy that Jesus spoke about to His disciples. We choose to engage in meetings and activities with people but we never truly engage with either God or people. (It feels safer to engage with meetings and activities than it does to engage with God and people).

I am realizing that I spent the weekend, not participating in a sterile, intellectual acknowledgement of the resurrection but with a vibrant yet flawed, organic yet centuries old, expression of the body of Christ. I spent the weekend with people who purpose to pursue Jesus, not with people whose priority is a meeting or an activity. As I reflect I sense the whisper of the Father - it is good. This is the way it was meant to be.