crossroads

On of the great things about getting older is that you gain perspective. Life is meant to be lived. If we will allow it, it becomes a great teacher. In my own journey with God, there have been transitional times that deeply shaped the coming years. In the mid to late 80's I discovered God to be real, tangible beyond what I could have imagined. In the mid 90's Bev and I left our dreams to follow the invitation of the Holy Spirit. The next 17 years were deeply transformational for me.

Once again Bev and I find ourselves in transition time. This time is a bit different. 17 years ago we heard the voice of God inviting us to a specific path. In the season in which we find ourselves currently, the question we hear from God is, "what do you want to do in the coming years?" We are learning to walk in harmony with the way He created us, with the dreams He placed within us. I always assumed that the dreams we relinquished 17 years ago were discarded by God in some heavenly trashcan of selfish desires. Little did I know that when I relinquished them into His hands, instead of discarding them, He gently cared for them for me. 

A bit over four years ago, I realized that I was deeply stirred by something that I thought was forever gone. I remember asking Bev if she thought that perhaps God was giving my dreams back to me. The past number of years the dreams and the strategies to fulfill them began to re-emerge.

In all my years in leadership in the institutional church, I never felt like I fit. Whenever a group of pastors gathered, it seemed to me that I was the only one who did not have a burning desire to be "in ministry". I never asked for ministry position and never felt the need to grasp for it. For 17 years, I have labored primarily in the institutional church, building structures and systems. Yet for the past five years I have become increasingly aware of the problems of "church". 

Today, the rebirth of my God-given dreams leads me away from the institutional church to a place of more organic church. I want to be involved with the work of God, not just in the restoration work in the lives of individuals but in the more mundane work of producing food to feed people. I desire deep relationships that demand transformation but I have no desire to attend church functions unless they facilitate the formation of relationships. I have no stomach for the endless meetings needed to prop up the institutional church. I am tired of the religious control that masquerades as accountability. I can no longer tolerate systems and structures that hinder healing, restoration, and ultimately, the work of God.

And so after 17 years, it's over. I will still blog about my observations on my walk with Jesus. As the Holy Spirit leads, I will still teach and preach...I can't keep my mouth shut when a message burns in my heart. But I will no longer give my time and energy building something that does not harmonize with what God is doing in me.