the joy of losing my life

The kingdom of God is full of paradoxes. So much so that almost everything seems backwards or contrary to to my way of thinking. Jesus said that if we are to find life, we must lose our life. In fact He poses the question - what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

Recently my daughter met an acquaintance that she had not seen for some time. She was shaken by his "deadness". She described him as lifeless and empty. In all likelihood he had exchanged his soul for an illusion of safety, trusting his own understanding instead of courageously embracing the risk of following Jesus.


So often we trade our soul for good things. Like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, we fall prey to the allure of the religions systems, trading our soul for the protection of our traditions (I am not opposed to tradition, but when the tradition becomes our God, we have made an unholy transaction) We may attempt to create a structure, a theological system, or a financial framework that gives us a sense of safety. While none of these things are necessarily wrong (and may even be good in the right context), God desires the best for us. We must however, let go of the good to receive the best that God has for us...Jesus called it losing our life to gain it.

For many years, I traded my soul for religious activity, attempting to climb the ladder of religious success, playing the political game of religiosity. Bev will tell you that something happened inside of me. Perhaps the best way to describe it was that I died. My radical, prophetic nature was exchange for religious correctness in an effort to please people and expectations. My validation came from leading a successful church instead of the affirmation of my Heavenly Father.


Thank goodness Jesus came to seek and save that which is lost. Several years ago, He broke into my "lostness" and invited me to a place of life. That invitation has led me on a journey of continually losing my life. In many ways, God has been my enemy these last several years (or so it seems to me at times). However in the middle of losing my life, I have made a great discovery. God is not a simply a sadistic taker. As I have lost many of the external "props" that identified my life, I have discovered joy, abundant life and an overflow of blessing. I KNOW God is real, I have experienced His affirmation in a very real way. I KNOW I am a beloved son of the I AM. I KNOW Jesus more intimately than ever before.

That joy, abundant life, the affirmation of the Father have not come without cost. Responding to the invitation of Jesus required me to let go numerous self-centered desires. Desires like financial security, the validation found in a ministry position, the right to determine the course of my life. In many ways, I have been in a process of losing my life. In the process however, I have receive infinitely more than I have lost. I can say experientially that Jesus' words about losing life to find it are absolutely true.